You are an amazing person. Thank you for sharing all these intimate details of your struggle, your journey through hell. May your shared pains and your ultimate victory be an inspiration to others. May they be your legacy, that you have helped, maybe saved, others. May God bless you richly now and in the future.
Beautifully written and rendered from the heart! The deceiver tried to steal, kill and destroy, but you deprived him of your fear, doubt and unbelief. Soon he could find nothing in you to pillage... nor a screen upon which to project his OCD imagery! Your testimony will help many others. Hallelujah! Glory to God... Jesus is Lord!
Dear R.T. - Do you know that mercury poisoning can cause OCD, high anxiety, depression and many other profound symptoms? Mercury is the most neuro-toxic, non-radioactive element on the planet. Its sources are many, and it must be removed from the body with extreme caution.
Mercury-toxic people often describe OCD thoughts which dominate their ability to think. A common source of mercury are metal amalgam tooth fillings, often called "silver" fillings; and this is covered up by the American Dental Association.
I recommend Rebecca Lee's website Maybe its mercury dot com. She co-wrote the "Mercury Detoxification Manual" with Andrew Cutler, PhD. The beginning of the book discusses:
Thank you for letting us have an honest look into the life of a broken person with a Great Saviour. You have taken in the best of the teachers of the Faith who helped you and made it your own.
Thanks for the article describing your actual experience with OCD. Too often, people I know use the term "OCD" to describe any kind of self discipline in another person. Slovenly personalities may use the term in derision of people who are careful in their own habits or who are mindful of the consequences of thoughtless habits.
It's a relief to read about a personal struggle addressed by the love of God and faith in His benevolence and power to heal, rather than a recitation of what psychiatrists prescribe. To me, psychiatry is a completely fraudulent industry. Taking the word "psychiatry" as a description of what the so-called science means, one would think that it is the study of the soul, since the root word is "psyche", but it is instead dedicated to manipulation of the mind.
I have seen the damage that is caused by trying to rely upon psychiatry to address addiction to drugs instead of reliance upon faith in God and in God's love made manifest in people willing to help an addicted person. Psychiatrists seem to see drug addiction as a deficiency of some drugs instead of what I see as mainly a spiritual condition.
This is amazing and so illuminating. Modernity and modern society have forced us to live in our egos. Surrendering our inner child to all it's fears, uncertainties and defense mechanisms. Modern Psychology has seen a boon of adults trapped for decades in an arrested emotional state due to unresolved childhood "traumas". The author was such a person and everyone probably knows someone who struggles with some version of this. And ironically quite often nobody was actually traumatized. Not in the sense of being abused, victimized, injured etc. It's a trauma of unresolved fear or apprehension. Of not being able to resolve a conflict at the basic, child mind level, even if that includes picturing fairies who cover your acne in public. Children find such unfettered ways to explain the world to themselves and the facts don't matter. What matters is the fear goes away and emotional growth hapoens. But increasingly we don't get to do that. We are,from an early age, thrust into complex environments and social circumstances where we are forced to claim and project the identity of our ego, shape it to the external social environment, and suppress or shrug off the fear and anxiety this creates. We don't get to ever deal with and resolve these fears in our child mind, but instead suppress them and subjugate them to our ego, where they forever squeeze and bulge in resistance to it. Until they bust a seam. And this is how so many of these modern psychological impediments come to be. A young child, already anxious about a day separated from the places and people they know, is forced into a social group with strangers where a hierarchy of egos is created from rudimentary surface level assessments. That child has the superficial impediment of bad teenage acne and we all can pretty much agree how it's going to go for them. But pause to consider the devaluation that ensues because of one superficial flaw in an otherwise complex human with a billion thoughts and abilities, that nobody will even care to know about. Because acne. Now picture this in the hyper-ego context of social media. A whole full valued human being will spend their entire life being 'swiped left' because of one superficial flaw. Picture the inner child bring called ugly over and over and over and the tension this causes with in the ego, where they are forced to live. This is the sad cost of modernity and the societies we have built. Are they really for us? Or are they just titillating to our egos but murderous to our inner child? Are we enjoying our suffering? Is it worth all this just to have iPhones? So you can hide your head in it and block out this same society? Do you get now why that feels so good?. Love your inner child and set them free. I have the privilege of knowing a few adult children. Highly accomplished in their personal and professional lives, yet fully unmoored from their egos and drunk on the idea of just getting to enjoy each day with childish enthusiasm. I too endeavor to be such a person. What are all of you so serious about every day? Getting to indulge that inner child that is the true unfettered you? Or is it conforming to someone else's job, business, rules, acceptance, etc that your ego wants at the expense of the real you. You only get one shot. Don't spend it trapped in a costume you don't want to wear.
Obsessive thinking is more common in some than others. I think it is a call to look and work within.
I understand what you are saying. From a very young age I had an obsessive fear of death also and I believe this fear underpins obsessive thinking. I do not recall being as bad as you in childhood but I was certainly obsessed with fears of disease, death, dying in the night.
My mother suffered from anxiety and depression, often severely, and she would push away my fears when I shared with her by saying - it's just nerves. And it would pass.
In my late Twenties, dealing with some traumatic marriage relationship issues, with two small children, I became profoundly depressed and suffered from panic attacks and developed the obsessive fear that I would hurt my children with knives. I hid them all - the knives not the children - but knew that was not an answer. Through all this time I read voraciously and one book advised not fighting or rejecting obsessive thoughts but allowing the terrifying image to take form. Finally I did this and stabbed in my mind, someone with a knife, which immediately turned to rubber. From that moment the obsessive fear of knives was gone. It never returned.
What feeds and fuels panic, anxiety, OCD etc., is fear of it. The more we push it away the more powerful it can become.
This also led me to work on seeing fear, depression, anxiety as friends who were trying to help me express and understand something. From the point where I could see panic as an expression of energy which needed to be released, I never had another panic attack and that was forty years ago.
Neither have I returned to the pits of depression which lasted weeks or months, once I could welcome Depression when it came and say, sit with me awhile. Usually it would last a few hours, perhaps a day or so, but not to the depths of the past.
So, we all find our own way to heal such suffering and I doubt there is one right or wrong way for each of us. Here is what I wrote about it:
Education in the public fool system has turned from being a John Dewey directed indoctrination program into a eugenics program. We'd be a lot better off emulating the one-room school houses in neighborhoods with caring parents following competent homeschooling curricula like Dr. Ron Paul's.
It is very difficult to describe and explain what you went through but you did it very well. Words are not easy to use to convey information about the things in this article. Thank you for using your skill for good effect.
The power of the Word is indisputable. It chases away doubt. In today's world of woe, it gives us reassurance. The natural world testifies to God's word, it's not another book in God's Bible as some say. Because the "science" of "sciientists" can mislead, because "knowledge puffer up".
Better to take practical knowledge like Isaac Newton did and recognize it as evidence of God's majesty.
You are an amazing person. Thank you for sharing all these intimate details of your struggle, your journey through hell. May your shared pains and your ultimate victory be an inspiration to others. May they be your legacy, that you have helped, maybe saved, others. May God bless you richly now and in the future.
Beautifully written and rendered from the heart! The deceiver tried to steal, kill and destroy, but you deprived him of your fear, doubt and unbelief. Soon he could find nothing in you to pillage... nor a screen upon which to project his OCD imagery! Your testimony will help many others. Hallelujah! Glory to God... Jesus is Lord!
Thank you, for blessing us with your wonderful testimony of the Lord’s amazing and miraculous grace!
Dear R.T. - Do you know that mercury poisoning can cause OCD, high anxiety, depression and many other profound symptoms? Mercury is the most neuro-toxic, non-radioactive element on the planet. Its sources are many, and it must be removed from the body with extreme caution.
Mercury-toxic people often describe OCD thoughts which dominate their ability to think. A common source of mercury are metal amalgam tooth fillings, often called "silver" fillings; and this is covered up by the American Dental Association.
I recommend Rebecca Lee's website Maybe its mercury dot com. She co-wrote the "Mercury Detoxification Manual" with Andrew Cutler, PhD. The beginning of the book discusses:
> Where and how people get toxic
> What mercury poisoning looks like
> Other toxic heavy metals
Thank you for letting us have an honest look into the life of a broken person with a Great Saviour. You have taken in the best of the teachers of the Faith who helped you and made it your own.
Thanks for the article describing your actual experience with OCD. Too often, people I know use the term "OCD" to describe any kind of self discipline in another person. Slovenly personalities may use the term in derision of people who are careful in their own habits or who are mindful of the consequences of thoughtless habits.
It's a relief to read about a personal struggle addressed by the love of God and faith in His benevolence and power to heal, rather than a recitation of what psychiatrists prescribe. To me, psychiatry is a completely fraudulent industry. Taking the word "psychiatry" as a description of what the so-called science means, one would think that it is the study of the soul, since the root word is "psyche", but it is instead dedicated to manipulation of the mind.
I have seen the damage that is caused by trying to rely upon psychiatry to address addiction to drugs instead of reliance upon faith in God and in God's love made manifest in people willing to help an addicted person. Psychiatrists seem to see drug addiction as a deficiency of some drugs instead of what I see as mainly a spiritual condition.
This is amazing and so illuminating. Modernity and modern society have forced us to live in our egos. Surrendering our inner child to all it's fears, uncertainties and defense mechanisms. Modern Psychology has seen a boon of adults trapped for decades in an arrested emotional state due to unresolved childhood "traumas". The author was such a person and everyone probably knows someone who struggles with some version of this. And ironically quite often nobody was actually traumatized. Not in the sense of being abused, victimized, injured etc. It's a trauma of unresolved fear or apprehension. Of not being able to resolve a conflict at the basic, child mind level, even if that includes picturing fairies who cover your acne in public. Children find such unfettered ways to explain the world to themselves and the facts don't matter. What matters is the fear goes away and emotional growth hapoens. But increasingly we don't get to do that. We are,from an early age, thrust into complex environments and social circumstances where we are forced to claim and project the identity of our ego, shape it to the external social environment, and suppress or shrug off the fear and anxiety this creates. We don't get to ever deal with and resolve these fears in our child mind, but instead suppress them and subjugate them to our ego, where they forever squeeze and bulge in resistance to it. Until they bust a seam. And this is how so many of these modern psychological impediments come to be. A young child, already anxious about a day separated from the places and people they know, is forced into a social group with strangers where a hierarchy of egos is created from rudimentary surface level assessments. That child has the superficial impediment of bad teenage acne and we all can pretty much agree how it's going to go for them. But pause to consider the devaluation that ensues because of one superficial flaw in an otherwise complex human with a billion thoughts and abilities, that nobody will even care to know about. Because acne. Now picture this in the hyper-ego context of social media. A whole full valued human being will spend their entire life being 'swiped left' because of one superficial flaw. Picture the inner child bring called ugly over and over and over and the tension this causes with in the ego, where they are forced to live. This is the sad cost of modernity and the societies we have built. Are they really for us? Or are they just titillating to our egos but murderous to our inner child? Are we enjoying our suffering? Is it worth all this just to have iPhones? So you can hide your head in it and block out this same society? Do you get now why that feels so good?. Love your inner child and set them free. I have the privilege of knowing a few adult children. Highly accomplished in their personal and professional lives, yet fully unmoored from their egos and drunk on the idea of just getting to enjoy each day with childish enthusiasm. I too endeavor to be such a person. What are all of you so serious about every day? Getting to indulge that inner child that is the true unfettered you? Or is it conforming to someone else's job, business, rules, acceptance, etc that your ego wants at the expense of the real you. You only get one shot. Don't spend it trapped in a costume you don't want to wear.
Obsessive thinking is more common in some than others. I think it is a call to look and work within.
I understand what you are saying. From a very young age I had an obsessive fear of death also and I believe this fear underpins obsessive thinking. I do not recall being as bad as you in childhood but I was certainly obsessed with fears of disease, death, dying in the night.
My mother suffered from anxiety and depression, often severely, and she would push away my fears when I shared with her by saying - it's just nerves. And it would pass.
In my late Twenties, dealing with some traumatic marriage relationship issues, with two small children, I became profoundly depressed and suffered from panic attacks and developed the obsessive fear that I would hurt my children with knives. I hid them all - the knives not the children - but knew that was not an answer. Through all this time I read voraciously and one book advised not fighting or rejecting obsessive thoughts but allowing the terrifying image to take form. Finally I did this and stabbed in my mind, someone with a knife, which immediately turned to rubber. From that moment the obsessive fear of knives was gone. It never returned.
What feeds and fuels panic, anxiety, OCD etc., is fear of it. The more we push it away the more powerful it can become.
This also led me to work on seeing fear, depression, anxiety as friends who were trying to help me express and understand something. From the point where I could see panic as an expression of energy which needed to be released, I never had another panic attack and that was forty years ago.
Neither have I returned to the pits of depression which lasted weeks or months, once I could welcome Depression when it came and say, sit with me awhile. Usually it would last a few hours, perhaps a day or so, but not to the depths of the past.
So, we all find our own way to heal such suffering and I doubt there is one right or wrong way for each of us. Here is what I wrote about it:
https://rosross.wordpress.com/2013/07/07/finding-a-path-through-panic-and-depression/
Recommended by a friend...after reading this today, I subscribed. God bless you.
Education in the public fool system has turned from being a John Dewey directed indoctrination program into a eugenics program. We'd be a lot better off emulating the one-room school houses in neighborhoods with caring parents following competent homeschooling curricula like Dr. Ron Paul's.
OCD wasn't a thing until it got into the DSM.
It is very difficult to describe and explain what you went through but you did it very well. Words are not easy to use to convey information about the things in this article. Thank you for using your skill for good effect.
The power of the Word is indisputable. It chases away doubt. In today's world of woe, it gives us reassurance. The natural world testifies to God's word, it's not another book in God's Bible as some say. Because the "science" of "sciientists" can mislead, because "knowledge puffer up".
Better to take practical knowledge like Isaac Newton did and recognize it as evidence of God's majesty.
Thanks for this missive.